1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
