you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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