dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
