you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
