it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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