he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
