I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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