i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
