i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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