I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
