"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
