I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
