He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
