you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
