he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
