The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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