i love accidental penises.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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