I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
