I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have fence marks all over my body
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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