I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
