I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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