I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
