I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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