You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
