We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
