She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
