i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
