How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
third nipple confirmed
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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