If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
