the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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