Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
