Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
