sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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