did you get engaged???
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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