after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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