But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
