Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
