they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
