Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
