Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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