she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
