Duck Duck Cougar?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
