Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
