I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
