So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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