SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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