My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
