Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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