my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
