Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
