Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
