Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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