I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So much rum. So many feels.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
