She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
